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Few months after I got divorced while surfing Facebook, I came across a post by Dr. Mohamed Taha, a psychiatrist and writer, that explained that if a relationship started with “You are my whole life” vibes, it ends with “You stole my life”. The post summed up my relation that had just ended after six years of marriage and another six of platonic love.
His words were an answer to the many whys I kept asking myself and to everyone’s surprise that a relationship goals story would end like this. When people asked about the problems that exploded between us, I always explained that we didn’t fight and everything was great! It was driving people crazy to see a perfect marriage turn into a tragic divorce in no time.
It took me sleepless nights, never-ending days, and therapy sessions to realize that it was not me, It was a decision made a long time ago by him to be my guardian angel as he believed I needed a life saver. He didn’t intend to bury himself in my needs, it was an unintentional decision and whatever the reasons are, they won’t change the story.
What seemed to be a love story
The story is that I fell for him and who could resist falling in love with a guardian angel? A partner who is there to save me from any danger, take away sadness, turning himself into my human shield, and considering my happiness his mission in life. It was never about romantic words that I used to hear in movies, those were real actions of love, tenderness, and sacrifice.
He was a partner who never forgets my birthday, a visionary in romantic surprises, helps me with house chores and never blames me if I didn’t do any, helps me with my work, pushes me forward in my career, celebrates my success, takes over all responsibilities, and could take off his sunglasses just because I forgot to bring mine. Exaggeration? But it happened for real! It was not a way to flirt, they were real acts of kindness towards his wife or that is what I thought!
It didn’t stop at being a Disney prince, he was an amazing dad involving himself in all his little one’s issues and a one-of-a-kind and helpful son-in-law. Moreover, he did it all unconditionally. He never asked for anything in return and he would get upset if I gave him anything!
He never had an answer for the basic question, “What makes you happy?” It was all neutral to him. He loved everything I cooked and saw me beautiful in all colors. I’m awfully sorry but I was never amazed by Arous Beirut’s series because it was my reality and it didn’t have a happy ending.
A sudden landing
All of a sudden, life turned upside down. This angel woke up one day but as a different man! Instead of claiming his needs, he took a new role of a VICTIM and a TYRANT at the same time.
Prince charming turned into a victim
He started to believe that he was my victim. The same woman whom he would grab a star from the sky for? Ironically yes! Out of nowhere, he started believing that I ruined his life and dimmed his halo. When I tried to understand the sin I committed, the answer was that I never understood him or gave him what he needed!
Dejavu! Didn’t I ask a million times about how I can make him happy? He didn’t even know how to make himself happy. He expected me to assume what he wanted or needed. He always claimed it was all perfect. Now, it was time for his second role.
Time for revenge by the tyrant
I stole his life, so I deserve to be punished. I deserved whatever I could and couldn’t imagine. Whenever he remembered the damage I caused, he would punish me more and more. Then all of a sudden, my guardian angel would return and try to save me, but it never lasted for long. The emotional roller coaster was unbearable.
Gladly, I realizd it was time to get a divorce or I would have made the second biggest mistake of my life. The first was agreeing to live under his angel wings. But, I was never a victim! I chose where I am today consciously. Breaking up with my toxic angel was pure thrill! I always remind myself, if my legs ache when I’m reaching for new heights, then it’s the pain of growth.
And that’s how my happy begining started..