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Last week, this scene from Ramadan mosalsal ‘Harb Ahleya’ was the talk of the Internet. In the scene above, a daughter confronts her mother and blames her for all her wrongdoings because she left her when she was a child.
The truth is, unfortunately, when a marriage fails, many fathers try to take revenge on the woman by taking her children away or turning them against her by making them feel that the mother did not choose them.
We spoke to our Certified Positive Psychology and Parenting Coach Rana Hany to give us her expertise on how to handle the situation and ensure your child does not have abandonment or hate issues towards you, if God forbid, you’re put in a similar situation.
Prepare the child for the changes that will occur
If the child is older than 3 years old, the mother should try to sit with the child, explain what will happen and what his/her new life will look like. It’s important for a child’s wellbeing and their relationship for the child to expect and understand the upcoming changes rather than be surprised.
If the child is too young to comprehend, the mother can use visuals, artwork, stickers, or even calendars where she can highlight when they’ll be seeing each other next, what she’ll be doing until then, when she’ll call, etc. This will help get the child mentally and emotionally ready for the changes that will occur.
Validate the child’s feelings
Listen and validate the feelings that the child is having. If they’re upset or rejecting the idea, validate their feelings by showing that you feel the same way but explain why with regret, that won’t be able to happen.
Work on alternative communication methods
It’s important to come up with a plan on how to communicate. Discuss with the child what they can do if they miss you, or how they’ll still be able to have their quality time despite the different circumstances. This will allow you to come up with solutions together to ensure that the new circumstances will not affect your relationship, but you just need to adapt. It will also serve as proof that you are not planning on letting them go and will not give up on them.
Do not ruin the father’s image
Do not speak badly about the father -even if he is the reason for the heartache- only out of spite. Always reassure the child that they are not to blame and that you both will always have love and support for them regardless of how you feel about each other.
Quality over quantity
While you might not be able to spend a sufficient amount of time with your child, make use of every second you have by giving the child what they need. Make them feel that you’re there for them and that when you’re with them, you are fully dedicated to them without any distractions.
Be involved
While you cannot be there in the child’s everyday life, try to be as involved as possible. Attend their training, ask about exams, and follow up on things that are important to them.
What can be done if the father prevents you from interacting with your child at all?
What do you tell your child after many years when they blame you for abandoning them?
Ramadan mosalsal – Harb Ahleya
Validate their feelings of anger
They will be angry and resentful. Make sure that you acknowledge these feelings and tell them that they have every right to feel that way.
Be realistic without ruining the father’s reputation
It’s normal to want to throw the blame on the father and tell the child the truth, but you should try and explain the circumstances without ruining the father’s reputation.
Involve the child in your life
Most probably because the child will be angry, they will not let you in easily. Instead of giving up, involve them in your life by sharing your problems, asking them to help you out with things, and letting them feel like they’re an important part of your life until they open up.
Further reading:
- Parenting: How to Raise Independent and Responsible Children
- Single Mom Struggles: My Ex-Husband Doesn’t Want to See Our Son
- Single Mom Struggles: My Child Is Attached to Me
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