I’ve been married for 10 years. My husband and I have two kids, a girl who is 7 and a boy who is 4. I thought we were happily married and that we were doing relatively ok until I found his phone beeping excessively as he’s fast asleep. I’ve always been a light sleeper, so as I reach for his phone to put it on silent, I find something I am not ready to deal with; messages from a female on Tinder.
Without thinking, I find myself reading the message and as I scroll through the history, I realize that this has been going on for a while and it seems like they’re quite close. Another woman close to my husband? This is more than I can take and so, I close the conversation without reading any more messages and put the phone away.
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As I lay down in bed beside the man I thought was my happily ever after, my mind frantically tries to process what is happening. I’m filled with outrage, guilt, fear, and disappointment. I gave up my career, my life, and everything I could have become to raise our kids and become a loving wife. I did it without ever regretting it or thinking of what life could have had in store for me. I was happy with the choices I made because I had what many others didn’t; two amazing children and a loving husband.
Thinking about my kids made a lump in my chest grow and I felt nauseous. We were a happy family. He was always great with the kids and they loved him beyond belief. He was their idol and I couldn’t even imagine having to put them through the truth about their father. Shattering the perfect image they had and how much they looked up to him. What was I supposed to do now? Confront him? Ask for a divorce? Throw away the numerous years we’d invested as a family? Just let it go? Put the kids through a divorce and no longer seeing their father as the hero they always thought he was?
How can I put my kids through that pain and possibly being the cause of many psychological problems? But then again, he should have thought of that, too! But he didn’t…
How could he indulge in another woman’s love while I was at home taking care of the kids?
How could he spend the night with another woman and come back and sleep in our bed like nothing had happened?
How could he not think about what would happen if I found out or did he think I’d forgive him and take him back because he was a man, and men are allowed to make mistakes?
Photo credit: Sicke Chirpse
As I lay there in bed, I can feel the rage building up, but it’s not at my husband, it’s at the society that gave him the right to feel that he could do whatever he wanted to because he was a man. It’s at the mothers who raised their Egyptian sons believing that they were special and that anyone would be lucky to have them. The moms who made them believe that they not only could get away with anything, but could do whatever the hell they wanted and that the wife would be there, waiting to serve him. Screw this patriarchal society, I do not want to be THAT woman!
I can imagine telling my friends about this and their reaction would be, “It’s just a fling.” “Don’t break up your marriage because he gave into his natural instincts.” “At the end of the day, he always comes back to you, because you’re his constant. You’re the mother of his kids.” The one that drives me crazy the most, “He’s a man, what do you expect?”
Why do we give a man the right to treat us like that and feel that he’s entitled to it? Why do we forget that we’re human, too? I don’t want to be the woman he comes back to, I deserve to be the woman he would never think of even hurting. The only woman he needs. Could I even look at him the same way again?
So, I’m asking you, if you were in my shoes, would you leave him? Or would you put up with all this nonsense, accept being the inferior sex that allows a man to do whatever he wants just for the sake of the kids? It kills me to even think I could degrade myself that much. I don’t know what to do. I love my family and don’t want to break it apart. So, please, I’m begging you, help me make sense of all this and tell me what I should do.
5 comments
If I was in your shoes ,I will give me a while away from him and see how can I live without him , or I can’t and I miss him ,miss his hug ,miss our home and our life together .as I do ear tweak to not do it again ever.
2 options no third, the guy is a cheater, and cheaters never change, either dump him get a divorce or just accept the fact that you have to live with someone whom you can’t trust again ever. Choice is yours, it’s not easy but you know what you got to do
based on same situation happened to someone close to me. He will never change !!! so, first you have to face him and let him feel shy from himself. Second stay away from him for a period of time to evaluate your relationship and to be able to take the right decision that will be based on his reaction after you and your kids were away from him. If he really regretted and kissed your legs to back for him again and you really feel that he will never do that again, give him a second chance but if he didn’t do that and lived his life as nothing happened, you should ask for a divorce.
So may I ask what you decided to do?
I have been through a simiar situation. You need to know how far the relationship went with that contact and if its one or multiple girls and understand better from him why he resorted to this. Talk it out and take time to think it through to see if he deserves a chance. Your family (kids mainly) owe you this. One small thing, complete access to his phone if you choose to forgive him