Feeling rejected by your husband is not an easy thing to cope with or get over. A woman might doubt herself and think of herself as repulsive or unworthy. The worst thing to do in a similar situation is to deny or avoid it.
There are several reasons that would make your hubby avoid sex. The good news is that most reasons can be addressed and handled. Let’s explore 15 of the most common reasons why your husband is not sexually active.
15 reasons your husband doesn’t want to have sex:
- Stress
- Medical condition
- Depression
- Rejection
- Boredom
- A workaholic
- Overweight
- Performance anxiety
- Uncommon fantasies
- Lack of emotions
- Lack of physical affection
- Low libido
- Pregnancy
- Porn addiction
- Masturbation addiction
- Having an affair
Stress
Via: Getty Images – Why your husband doesn’t want sex
A stressful lifestyle has a huge impact on sexual desire. At the end of the day when kids go to bed, some women expect men to initiate sex. What you don’t notice is your husband thinking of work, income, and financial obligations. It’s hard to snap out of your thoughts and just jump to it. This does not mean he lacks interest.
What to do:
Make plans for quality time together where you feel distracted. It doesn’t have to be something fancy that you can’t afford because this will put extra pressure on him. Even a movie night without the kids in the house can revive the good old days. This will give room for communication and he will have a chance to discuss things that overwhelm him.
Medical condition
Via: Mom caregiver – Why your husband doesn’t want sex
There are certain health conditions that affect sexual performance and libido such as erectile dysfunction, heart diseases, prostate problems, and diabetes. Some medications might also dampen sexual desire and responsiveness. This might leave a man feeling unconfident about his sexual performance.
What to do:
Try to gently address the topic as he might be avoiding it. Offer the emotional support he needs. Sex is more than just intercourse. It’s always better in similar cases to visit a specialist who can help you maintain your intimacy.
Depression
Via: iStock – Why my husband refuses to make sex
Depression affects every aspect of life and sex is not excluded. Besides, depression medications decrease sexual desire. The whole process of sexual arousal starts with the ability to anticipate pleasure which is lost with depression.
When your brain thinks of desire, your body responds by increasing the blood flow to the sex organs. The increased blood flow triggers arousal through an erection or vaginal lubrication. When the person is depressed, the sex-related chemicals are out of balance; the sexual desire is then low or missing.
What to do:
NEVER encourage your medicated husband to stop his treatment to save your sex life. He can talk to his doctor as there are amends that can be done in the dose prescribed. Lowering the dose can still treat depression without blocking sexual desire. Changing the type of the antidepressant can be helpful. Always talk to your partner.
Rejection
Via: iStock – Why does my husband reject me sexually
Your husband may not be initiating sex as he felt rejected by you. You could have indirectly sent him a message that he’s undesirable by a remark or a look. Most men will translate that as bad sexual performance.
What to do:
You have to honestly communicate with your partner. The misinterpretations will not get your relationship anywhere. Even if there is something that turns you off, you have to be frank about it. Just choose a time when you’re not having sex and he is ready to listen.
Boredom
Via: Getty Images – Why does my husband reject me sexually
Boredom is expected in long-term relationships when routine takes over. Couples might tend to play it safe instead of trying new sexual activities. You’re always on your phones and get used to being around each other in the house.
What to do:
When you have busy stressful lives, sex sometimes has to be planned. Set a date. While it sounds a bit formal, it may work for you. Waiting for sex will revive your passion for each other. Plan it for a time when the kids are not around. Take a ride in the car and try dirty talking or have a shower together.
Being a workaholic
Via: Yale Medicine – Reasons your husband doesn’t want sex
When men are passionately involved in their careers, they can abandon their sex lives. He is turned on when he gets promoted not when his wife is wearing a seductive babydoll.
What to do:
Set your boundaries for work in the bedroom. Never allow him to take his laptop or phone there. Make clear agreements about his commitment to family issues in coordination with work. This doesn’t mean you don’t give excuses. At the end of the day, we’re all humans and can’t accurately plan our days.
Being overweight
Via: Olde Del Mar Surgical – My husband stopped initiating
Gaining weight has physical and psychological effects on a man’s sexual life. Being overweight lowers his stamina which affects his sexual performance. Sexual drive is also diminished by excess weight. He might also feel insecure naked. Some positions may be challenging.
What to do:
Without criticism, you can encourage him to follow a healthy lifestyle. Get a gym membership together or work out at home after the kids go to bed. This also means more quality time. Exercise releases happy hormones called endorphins that can reduce stress and make you feel better.
Performance anxiety
Via: Shutterstock – Why husband doesn’t want to make love
Men are always pressured about their sexual performance. They tend to avoid things that trigger anxiety especially if they had experienced premature or delayed ejaculation before.
What to do:
During intercourse, eliminate distractions and just live the moment instead of allowing him to monitor himself.
Uncommon fantasies
Via: Gentleman’s Journal – My husband stopped initiating
Rule number “1”: All men have secret sexual fantasies that they don’t share with their wives because they are afraid of being judged, shamed, or rejected.
Most of the time they are stimulated by past sexual experiences before marriage or by porn. While fantasies can spice up the sex life, they also have the potential to kill intimacy if the couple is not on the same page. He might feel that he will only find pleasure through these fantasies or a fetish, so he avoids any sexual contact.
What to do:
First, you have to understand that sexual fantasies differ from men to women. It’s normal to feel uncomfortable about his fantasies. However, you have to give yourself a chance to know more and explore. Our conservative culture, at many times, holds us back from enjoying ourselves with our partners after marriage.
It’s important to differentiate between things you are not used to doing and things that are against your values and beliefs. Take your time and make sure you’re not pressured to engage in any fantasy.
Lack of physical affection
Via: All Pro Dad – Why husband doesn’t want to make love
Sexual desire doesn’t only happen in bed, it develops throughout the day. Thus, lack of affection in your daily life might make your hubby lose interest in sex. If you’re struggling to remember the last time you were affectionate with your hubby, then you’re not being affectionate enough.
What to do:
Try a spontaneous hug and kiss before heading to work. Kissing releases oxytocin which is the bonding hormone that causes people to become emotionally attached. A movie night is a good opportunity for cuddling and will help relieve your hubby’s stress and tiredness. You can play footsie under the table while you’re having lunch.
Low libido
Via: Woman’s Day – Why does my husband reject me sexually
Libido is not constant at all times. It’s normal that a man’s sex drive decreases over time. Sometimes testosterone levels decrease due to age and other environmental factors. At the age of 30, a man’s testosterone levels naturally drop around 2% every year.
Low libido leads to erectile dysfunction. Some men suffer from a condition known as hypogonadism in which men don’t produce enough testosterone. Signs of low testosterone levels include a lack of desire to have sex, low mood, lack of energy, and loss of muscle mass.
What to do:
Your husband needs more time and effort to be turned on. Offering him a massage would help him relax, yet, it’s not all about you putting in more effort. Low testosterone levels are treatable with hormone therapy along with counseling and managing his stress levels.
Pregnancy
Via: UCFS – My husband has no interest in me sexually
Some men abandon their wives sexually during pregnancy due to many reasons. He might be afraid that it would harm the baby or put the pregnancy at risk. Another reason is that his sexy wife’s body turned into a mother figure. The husband might be turned off because of the pregnancy weight. Most positions are difficult during the third trimester when the pregnancy belly gets bigger.
What to do:
Ask your gynecologist to explain to him that the baby is well protected in the amniotic sac and making love won’t hurt him. Remember that your hubby won’t see you sexy if you feel bad about your body. Do you know that you can wear a maternity dress and still look sexy? It’s also about the positions you try especially during the last trimester. Don’t hesitate to discuss with your husband what you’re going through, it’s not an easy phase.
Porn addiction
Via: Getty Images – Husband not interested in sex
The more a man consumes porn, the lower the satisfaction and attachment he has towards his partner. Unfortunately, most guys heavily watch porn before marriage especially in a conservative community like ours where sex before marriage is limited due to religious and social aspects. Over time porn becomes addictive and when the man gets married, he continues to depend on it instead of his wife, to get stimulated.
Porn sets unrealistic expectations about how sex should be which leads to dissatisfaction during intercourse. The problem is that too much porn also detaches sex from romance, love, and commitment to the person you love.
What to do:
Porn addiction is like any other type of addiction. It needs to be tackled by a professional. A sex therapist can help him get rid of this addiction and can help both of you understand more about your sexual interests and how you can develop them in bed.
Masturbation addiction
Via: Man Matters – Reasons your husband doesn’t want sex
It’s strongly related to porn addiction. Some men resort to masturbation instead of intercourse because it’s quick and doesn’t include any complications. A man, who frequently masturbating, may become accustomed to a higher, more intense level of sexual stimulation which is stronger than what he can get during an intercourse.
Having an affair
Via: Getty Images – My husband stopped initiating
An affair is a common reason why men lose interest in sex.
What to do:
You have to remember you’re never powerless and you have the right to choose and decide. You can seek professional help because discussing this with friends or family is not always a good idea.
Further reading:
- 5 Tips to Spice Up Your Sex Life
- Hottest Male Erogenous Zones to Stimulate During Sex
- 10 Sexiest Perfumes for Women of All Time
Sources used in this article:
- Sexual Problems and Depression – WebMD
- Depression and sex – Cleveland Clinic
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