From the moment I got separated, the only thing I could think about was my son. I couldn’t get over the constant guilt, even though the divorce was not my fault and his father decided to walk out of our lives.
Even though I vowed to do everything I could to raise my son in the best way possible, I sometimes fall into the trap of giving in to his requests and demands, even when they don’t make sense. It may seem like I am simply spoiling him because, again, I feel guilty that his father is away and isn’t there for him.
I know deep down inside that this is wrong and I know that spoiling him will only turn him into a brat. So I decided to speak to Certified Positive Discipline Educator, Rana Hany, for tips on how to raise my child well without spoiling him because of my sense of guilt towards him.
What are the factors that can cause a child to be “spoiled?”
According to Rana Hany, the following factors are what can lead you to fall into the trap of having a spoiled child:
- Giving in to all their demands
- If the child senses that you favor them over yourself
- Over-protection and fear of them falling into any obstacle/problem
- The child not having any responsibilities from a young age
- Not pointing out their mistakes because “he’s still young”
How do I not fall into the trap of spoiling my child as a single mother?
When dealing with this situation, there are usually two scenarios that occur according to Rana. Either the mother is too permissive because of her guilt and wanting to make up for the fact that the father is not in her child’s life, or she is too strict and over-protective because she is single-parenting and doesn’t have the support of her child’s father.
Both situations can either lead to a very spoiled child or can negatively impact the child psychologically. The mother in this case should neither be too permissive nor too strict. The best way is to meet halfway and apply the correct parenting rules.
The child must help out and have responsibilities. “Take your child’s opinion on issues, give him/her duties to perform, or house chores. This will help the child become more responsible and know that he or she needs to help his or her mother,” Rana highlighted.
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