Going through a divorce is one of the most difficult situations any woman can go through, especially if there are children involved. Because the issues involving children that follow a divorce spiral one after another, it makes it hard for single mothers who wish to move on with their lives and perhaps start a new beginning. After all, they deserve a second chance.
What does a single mother who wants to remarry do if she has children? Most children will most likely not accept the idea of having another man other than their fathers in their lives, but is this fair to the mother? Of course, it’s not because she has the right to live her life, and the man she will get remarried to might offer a second chance to experience a better marriage.
Because this is such a grave issue, many mothers actually end up letting go of their right for a second chance to get married again, for the sake of their children.
We spoke to Certified Positive Discipline Educator, Rana Hany to get a better understanding of how mothers should handle the situation in case they are planning to get remarried. She gave us her insights on how to break the news to children whose mothers are about to get married to another man.
How should a mother break the news to her children about getting re-married?
“The first step a mother planning to remarry should do is to try to introduce the new spouse as a friend,” said Hany. “If it is acceptable with the mother’s family, she and her children should try going out with the soon-to-be husband, have him come over to meet the children, for example, to try to build rapport,” She continued.
According to Hany, if a mother is planning to get into a new relationship, she must inform her child that she is seeing someone, that she is considering getting remarried and that it is crucial not to hide anything from the child. “It is important that the child feels involved from day one,” Hany stressed, “For example a mother shouldn’t be speaking to her new spouse-to-be on the phone, inform others about her new relationship, leaving the child the last to know,” Hany explained.
“Involving the child will make him understand where he or she stands,” explained Hany. “It will give the child a sense of security,” She continued.
Hany recommends that you should explain everything to your child step-by-step. Hany continued by saying that informing the child/children about small details such as where they will live when the mother remarries and the role her new husband will play in their lives is crucial for the children.
The positive educator also said, “It is important to tell the child that her new husband will not replace the child’s father and that they will see their father whenever they wish.” She continued by recommending asking your child about any concerns they may have and validating all these concerns by answering all the questions that arise.
Another important factor a mother must understand is that it is normal for the child to feel anger, confusion, and to generally feel upset that his or her mother is marrying another man. “It is important to validate your child’s feelings and show them that you understand and appreciate how they feel,” Hany explains.
Another piece of advice Hany recommends for mothers planning to remarry is not letting the child feel any sense of guilt from the mother’s side. If she can negotiate any of the issues related to her future marriage such as the place that they will live in, she can take her child’s opinion on it and implement his or her opinion. This will help make the child feel involved and that they are still a family.
Children may feel a sense of fear when someone new comes into their mother’s lives. “They may also feel a sense of loss that just like they lost their father’s presence in their lives, they will also lose their mother’s presence because of the new man in her life,” stressed Hany. Keeping your children’s feelings in mind will help you understand what to expect and how to deal with it.
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