Six years ago, I met a man who at the time was everything I was looking for. He was God’s gift to me after waiting so long for the man of my dreams. We quickly got engaged, ten months later we got married, and a month into our marriage I found out I was pregnant. Everything was going as I planned. I was about to start my dream family with the man I had decided to spend the rest of my life with.
Two years later, life became impossible between us, fights started, differences in mentalities started prevailing, everything was shattered. We thought of separating without a divorce and try to take a break from each other to fix our problems for the sake of our child. That was the moment everything fell apart. He decided to totally disappear from our lives and not pay his expenses nor did he try to fix things.
Long story short, I asked for a divorce, he refused and claimed that he would come back and try to fix things between us. I waited for a year and a half for him to fix things. He was manipulating me, so I asked for a divorce again and he refused again. To me – since he was already refraining from paying his son’s expenses and was not there for both of us – I was already living the life of a single mother so there was no reason for us to be together. He was only refusing to divorce me because he wanted to have the upper hand and feed his ego which gave him power and a false sense of manhood.
I told him I would resort to Khul’, he thought I was just bluffing, but I eventually filed a Khul’ case. I thought that when he realizes that the situation escalated that he would divorce me, yet he decided to disappear again and let me go through the Khul’ case.
The day I had to go to the Family Court and stand in front of a judge telling him I no longer want to be married to this man was a very tough day for me, both mentally and emotionally, even though I was mentally prepared for what I was going to go through. I went to a couple’s therapists who assured me I was on the right track. I had support from all of my friends and family who witnessed the pain I went through while trying to fix my troubled marriage for the sake of my son. However, it was still a nerve-wracking experience.
As I was entering the court, my heart was beating so fast, I had flashbacks of all the memories we had together, both good and bad. I was thinking of all the promises he made and broke, of all the dreams I had, of all the plans I thought I was going to achieve with him. It was like a movie going through my mind. How did I reach this situation? Why did our problems end up being in a family court between the hands of a judge? Especially since he decided not to appear in any of the court sessions, which only means that he simply wants to give me a hard time for no reason. Why won’t he just divorce me in a civilized manner since life was impossible between us? We could have maintained a healthy relationship for the sake of our child.
Even though the judge was very compassionate towards my case, I still felt so much pain, hurt, and betrayal. I actually felt bad for my ex-husband that his image was ruined in front of the judge, even if he doesn’t know him and never will; at the end of the day, this person is the father of my child.
I know I am stronger now, and that this situation made me much more aware of the strength and power I have. I now have a better understanding that I have the right to live a better life and to provide my child with the life he deserves.
I want to tell every woman who is going through the same situation that as hard as it may seem, going through Khul’ is a very difficult experience, but everything passes. Life becomes better. There are times where you may feel like you are falling apart, but you will be able to lift yourself up again and you are strong enough to do it.
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